eneter shikari cardiff 31.10.07

The world is divided into two groups - those that have seen Enter Shikari live and those that haven't.

We joined the important group on Wednesday. Hallowe'en, Samhain, the most important night in the Pagan calendar. And we crossed over the bridge to Wales to see them. I've seen loads of groups. From Geordie through The Police and UB40, New Order, Pulp, Mumm-Ra, Plan B - 30+ years of fun and excitement (and crap). But Shikari topped them all. The energy put out and returned in the 100 minutes they were playing was like nothing I've ever seen before. Their music is the savage but beautiful child of Rachmaninov powered by the beats of a Stewart Copeland on industrial strength Metformin and presided over by a cool and literate clone of Jools Holland. And latching on to the energy of the best club night you've ever been to. The scary thing was that we were by far and away the oldest people there - in fact we seemed a good ten to fifteen years older than the PARENTS that were waiting outside to pick up their kids from the show. What's that about? Why weren't there hordes of people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s there? They need energising like everybody else, possibly more so. Some of the kids couldn't handle the terminal moshing down at the front, and were being dragged out every few minutes.

Shikari's trick is that they blend the most monstrous vocals (sometimes) with the most elaborate music, then switch to Rou's 'listen Mum, I CAN sing' voice that beats Boyzone and Westlife at their own game. This switching, from the ridiculous to the sublime, creates the most powerful breaks that send the crowd wild. The songs are driven by powerful drums, bass and guitar, multi-layer Rachmaninov-style complexity coupled with some of the most clever hooks around. These are real songs and the whole band are natural performers, there's no irony or posing here.

Well, there is, but it's smart! Like turning up dressed as the Furies from the brilliant 70s classic film The Warriors, complete with face paint and baseball bats, or slipping in 'Insomnia' just when the crowd were at their most perceptive (and didn't they do it well!!), or giving us 3 minutes of formless and gut-mashing drum 'n' bass before the brilliant encore of 'Sorry You're Not a Winner' and 'OK, Time for Plan B' (cleverly referencing both one of the best films and best acts of our time!)

Loved it. Lads, you're welcome to visit Hartcliffe at any time!!

reverend bristol 2007

On Tuesday we went to see Reverend and the Makers at the Carling Academy at Bristol. Now the Carling sound may be as flat and lukewarm as their beer, but the Rev cut through all that to put on a brilliant show! Interestingly just before the show started, whilst the Ting Tings were on stage, the Rev and a few of the band stood next to us and watched them. It's a strange experience being so close to genius, but the Rev seemed to handle it well.

There are seven on stage, two percussionists, two keyboardists, bass, guitar and the Rev. So you get a really full, groove driven sound to highlight his amazing voice. The songs are about real stuff, dropping Etam, council estates, babies, all the usual material. With me music has to pass the Hartcliffe Test - be relevant, cool and sound good loud with the windows down on a Friday or Saturday evening. This does!

Support band were the Ting Tings, who seem to get more publicity than almost anyone else around at the moment. Singer Katie is an ex-girl band type, but seems to have found her forte with this new two piece. And it was a nice touch when the Rev invited the Ting Tings on stage for a final rousing 'He Said he Loved Me' which has to be about the best 3 minutes of live music I've ever seen!

So catch the Rev if you can whilst they're still fresh and hungry. Although I suspect they'll be around for years.

Next night out - Enter Shikari, Hallowe'en, Cardiff!

gone to uni?

"she goes away today
and he gives her a photo to help her remember
History of Art BA
it's alright cos she's back in late november

but he knows not of who she's been mixing
by christmas she's lying no calling she tricks him

So he goes up to stay
and he don't like her friends, and he hadn't heard of Nietzche
She's seems so far away
the distance is further each time he meets her

"who's the bloke on the wall next to ringo and paul?
is he some f**k expert on guerrila war?"

Open Your Window
Won't you let her out
wave goodbye to the butterfly
she's the one you can't live without

Open Your Window
won't you set her free
where you are tell me where she's at
and all the places she wants to be

He thinks they've grown apart
she uses big words like surreal and genre
and i know it breaks his heart
There's thousands of fellas just like it before ya

"who's the bloke on the wall next to ringo and paul?"
"It's Che she say's have ya seen him before"

Open Your Window
Won't you let her out
wave goodbye to the butterfly
she's the one you can't live without

Open Your Window
won't you set her free
where you are tell me where she's at
and the place she wants to be

we'll be together in the springtime"

The Reverend and The Makers (2007)

Enjoy it. Be Yourself. Don't follow the crowd. Live.
Tx

kylie krap

So Local radio forced me to listen to Kylie's comeback single today. They had people ringing up and texting in whether they actually liked it or not.
It's going to be a hit with the old sympathy vote no doubt. But it was a vile replica of a Gwen Stefani, Alison Goldfrapp Hybrid.
Pop music really riles me ATM. I used to like some pop. It was easy throwaway and fun, but just lately it's plain tedious.
As for my local GWR radio station, well they have one of the worse DJ's (behind Chris Moyles) I have ever heard. He actually thinks the Maroon 5 single is the single of the year... I cannot believe that man has a job in music.
Hmmm I HAVE to listen to him to get the damn traffic reports, Bristol really is a bad place to drive in.
Who are we listening to ATM then?
The Reverend and The Makers "The State of Things"
Timbaland "Shock Value"
And a mammoth portion of The Klaxons... I can't get enough of those weird silver lovely boys......
X

through hartcliffe with the rev

Home made video at its best - a trip through the lovely suburb (really a small village) of Hartcliffe in south Bristol accompanied by Reverend and the Makers' superb Heavyweight Champion of the World, a song all you pathetic teenagers with your ambitions to be hairdressers, car mechanics or city traders should absorb through every pore of your bodies.

I'm 51 and every word of this song is TRUE! The rest is all propaganda ...

stairlift to heaven

So 70s perm posers Led Zeppelin are doing a one-off gig - and they've sold a ticket!

Oh dear. It's quite disturbing to think that out there somewhere there is some sad old git that's still willing to fork out the £3.50 to see these sleep inducing dinosaurs. One of them is even officially DEAD!

Get this, Led Zeppelin were NEVER cool, even in the 70s when tight perms and tighter trousers were still legal. Their music was utter CRAP right from the beginning, and just got worse. They represented everything that was terrible about the 70s - progressive music, racism, IRA tank tops, no cash, no future ...

Whilst the rest of us struggled to scrape a living these talentless toffs churned out 'music' that could send a Pennie of the Automatic to sleep.

So let's wish Zeppelin and their fan a great evening of turgid sentimental posing. I shall see instead Enter Shikari, Bonde do Role and Reverend and the Makers.

revenge of gaia

Most amateurs tend to wreck their videos with TOTALLY inappropriate music - normally some mindless bit of uncool US soft rock with anything that uses energy (skiing, surfing etc) - all it does is sap the energy out of it!

This is better. Only the Prodigy (Climbatize) but it really works with these images of hapless Americans getting their comeuppance as the climate fights back.

Enjoy ...

Somerset and Dorset Line Trip

bow to the Rev

Our new fav band, not exactly new having been around for ever but seems it's the Rev's timetopreach to the unconverted. Check them out soon. We got tickets to see them in Bristol soon. Can't wait.
(ps also seeing Enter Shakari and Bonde Do Role too.... 3 holidays and 3 bands. Life is great)

"And now...

That shes older
As the embers of romance
Fade to mortgages and leccy bills
Been comfortable and that
Nobody told her
That she'd ever reach the stage
Where her husband bored her
Or she lied about her age

He's compromising
At least he's got a job for life
Get born, get school, get job, get car
Pay tax and find a wife
And on that note
The end can't come too soon
If you're not living on the edge
You take up too much room

I could've been a contender
I could've been a someone
Caught up in the rat race
And feeling like a no-one
Could've been me in the papers
With the money and the girls
I could've been The Heavyweight Champion of the World

At school he used to dream about
Being Bruce Lee
But the need for chops on the Manor Top
Aint all that great you see
And so he gave up
On his black belt and first Dan
As near as he got to China
Was a week in Camber sands

I could've been a contender
I could've been a someone
Caught up in the rat race
And feeling like a no-one
Could've been me in the papers
With the money and the girls
I could've been The Heavyweight Champion of the World

I could've been a contender
I could've been a someone
Caught up in the rat race
And feeling like a no-one
Could've been me in the papers
With the money and the girls
I could've been The Heavyweight Champion of the World

It's boring it's boring
It might put you to sleep
As the same old routine repeating week after week
And you work harder, work harder
You're told that you must
And you must earn a living
You must earn a crust

To be like everybody else
Be like everybody else
Be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else"

(Reverend and the Makers 2007
"Heavyweight Champion of the world" )

Album out 19th September 2007

fopp flops

Went into Bristol today to spend loads of cash in Fopp and found it closed. A quick check on the Internet on our return reveals its gone into receivership - 105 stores throughout the UK. Their employees didn't even get paid for the last month.

All in all a great shame as Fopp always had a nice range of stuff, including cheap popular material and some more unusual things.

But then like everyone else we also buy from the Internet and download. Things change ...

looking down

looking down
Originally uploaded by trinitypk

"Light touch my hand, in a dream of Golden Skans, from now on.
You can forget our future plans.
Night touch my hand with the turning Golden Skans,
From the night and the light, all plans are golden in your hand.

Set sail from sense, bring all her young.
Set sail from where we once begun.
While we wait, while we wait.

A hall of records, or numbers, or spaces still undone.
Ruins, or relics, disciples and the young.
A hall of records, or numbers, or spaces still undone.
Ruins, or relics, disciples and the young.

Light touch my hand, in a dream of Golden Skans, from now on.
You can forget our future plans.
Night touch my hand with the turning Golden Skans,
From the night and the light, all plans are golden in your hand"

.
Klaxons
Golden Skans
(2007)

charmaine

Watch More Videos Uploaded by likkle-x-sqweekz.bebo.com

suddenly ...

Suddenly the disco work's reappearing! We've got a 17th birthday bash at the Hartcliffe Community Centre tomorrow, then in a couple of weeks time will be doing the barbie at the stunning Midsomer Norton South station catering coach with a patio disco. Imagine, Enter Shikari, flashing lights and a warm breeze as the sun sets over the station. It's FREE by the way, so you've no excuse for not coming. There'll also be a patio bar with real alcohol ...

Paint It As Black As U like B

"Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river
You can hear the boats go by
You can spend the night beside her"

(Plan B), Leonard Cohen 2007
The best place to listen to new music is the car. If the tracks are worthy it doesn't take long until it permeates the mind and soul and makes a permanent imprint.
Plan B's bootleg album 'Paint It Blacker' needs few plays to infiltrate the mind so you wake up at 3am with it whirling round your head like some crazy fucker.

I first heard Suzanne at his gig in Bristol in February. B said Leonard Cohen wouldn't like it. It's very very black. B's usual bitingly good lyrics played over that sprawling unusual voice of Cohen make for the most moreish listening.
The story of the attractive Hooker Suzanne being picked up by the serial killer and her murder is pure horror. Fuck off Zone Horror this is scary stuff.

"Slice slice slice
chop chop chop
Suzanne's begging him to stop"

And her screams as he cuts off her limbs and head makes for difficult listening. The hairs go up on the back of my neck but like some horrific movie it's impossible not to want to hear more.
Fuck it, B this really is fucking clever.
The Paint it blacker CD contains gems at every turn.
"Happy as Larry" with the tale of the Paedophile and the dead child with her knickers wrapped round her neck is so repulsive but so real. B seems to be able to portray the true horror of these real life things. In the end the paedo gets murdered but he wasn't saying that was how it should happen. B has this way of saying something and making you think "Was that right? Should that happen?"
When you've been to his gigs and seen how many kidz love him you realise what a spokesperson he is for them. I truly believe the bloke is a genius. He makes you think.
The lead Track with the catchy Rolling Stones Piece "Paint it Blacker" is the best rap I have heard ever. How many of you out there have ever felt that the world is too full. Too full of everything? Listen to the track. The lyrics will explain.
He's a story teller, he's a spokesperson for this generation. He's talented and he's in your face right NOW.
When your kid come to you and asks for The Fray on his I-Pod, you KNOW it's time to take them on a 4 hour car journey and play B non stop. Kids need him.
Who needs actions when you got words? No-one.

at last

The long awaited Mumm-Ra album has finally hit the shelves. Great throughout, naturally. The boys have done Sussex proud! Up till now famous only for The Piranhas, Keane (ugh..) and The Kooks, we've now added Mumm-Ra to our roll call.

Best song is still 'Out of the Question', in fact it's one of those pop classics that come round every five years or so, in the tradition of 'It's All Over Now' Rolling Stones, 'If there is Something' Roxy Music, 'Don't Fear the Reaper' Blue Oyster Cult, 'God Save the Queen' Sex Pistols, 'Teenage Kicks' Undertones, 'Transmission' Joy Division, 'Rescue' Echo and the Bunnymen, 'Disco 2000' Pulp, 'Don't Look Back in Anger' Oasis and 'I Predict a Riot' Kaiser Chiefs. Era-defining music, even if only for a summer!

But what Sussex still hasn't produced is a working class band. It probably never will - we were always more into fighting, knives, drugs and guns than serious stuff like music!

tracks and tracks

Some shots taken around the Southern Region back in the 1970s.

Music's coming back on the agenda, never fear! Digitalising 12,000 photos is going to be a big job, and to relax I try to do a bit of DJing, even if mainly at home. We've got bookings coming up as well. And a brand new stereo with MP3 and Bluetooth for the car. Now we're just waiting for the new Mumm-Ra album ...

cool or not - I'm confused

Yeah, I know - Dad Rock time! But you know me better. Dontcha? Firstly I see Trin's Beatles keyring. Is she being ironic or what? I HATE the Beatles - talentless middle-class trossers who were uncool even in the sixties. It was them versus the Stones - talented middle-class trossers who were cool for a while. They had that acned hackneyed ASBO look that actually frightened people forty years ago. But Mick was an economist with a degree from the LSE - which is cool by anybody's standards. And Johnny Depp based his pirate of the Caribbean on Keith Richards, the terminally uncool smoker who climbs trees for a day job. I'm still confused.

Then they go and cancel a gig in Serbia because the noise will disturb 300 horses. That is cool by anybody's standards. Not the group that Swissies raved over in the 80s 'cos they thought they were cool - sick making. One of the Swissie returnees gave me and Mad Mike a lift from Vevey to Villeneuve and assaulted my ears with tales of the wonderful Stones - we'd just come back from a Pogues open air gig in Nyon. More confusion.

Now music god Plan B's gone and issued a bootleg featuring the same fellows, Paint it Blacker. And it's fun. But then I loved Paint it Black, Jumping Jack Flash and All Over Now (centuries ago in another life).

Further brain problems and cool/uncool dichotomies as I progress through the album - Radiohead's next. Now I doubt even B could make them fuckers cool!

Music's great!

bringing tross back more like...

We need more discos. I'm getting all rusty and impatient. In August we have a seventies and eighties disco challenge to do. How to stick purely to 70's and 80's and still be cool? It WILL be possible.
Meanwhile we have Beyonce and Shakira heading the charts with a pretty dreadful track. I did hear a remix that was a bit more promising but still dire. Manic Street Preachers are making a semi comeback with Dad Rock 2007. I still think they used to be lyrically brilliant but they had their day. Why don't people just give up when their time is over.... that's you too Bryan Ferry. Load of tross with your Bob Dylan covers.
But the worse for me is the very disappointing Arctic Monkeys 2nd album. I saw them on Jools Holland the other night. Every one was raving about them but every track sounded just like the first album. No new sound or spark there at all. Very drab.
Maybe it's me. I haven't exactly been thrilled with many second albums this year. Kaiser Chiefs, Razorlight, Keane all total tross.
And if I hear 'I want to have your babies' one more time there will be infanticide....

sob...mumm-ra

We got tix to see Mumm-Ra at the Thekla tomorrow but we'd also booked to go on holiday... so on holiday we go... I'll miss you Mumm-Ra. I love Mumm-Ra... *sob*
I also think it's the very last time to see this fantastically talented and fun band in such a small venue. With their new single out Monday (She's got you High) and the Album 'These Things Move In Threes' on 28th May plus the very successful NME awards tour with The Automatic and The View. The fact that 'She's Got You High' is the NME's song of the week and the track being the soundtrack to the new HSBC advert will push them skyward to bigger audiences.
And who is bigger than the shopping giant Asda? Whilst perusing the bunion plasters for dear Brassey, who should be playing over the supermarket tannoy? None other than Mumm-ra themselves. Amazing and made my day. Even made me forget his fungal foot relief. The joys of being a DJ partner.
My tip for 2007 is of course Mumm-ra and NOT that fucking Maroon 5 group as hotly tipped by the GWR so called DJ wanker this week. Song of the year? Get a life and some musical taste idiot.

sorry

Yeah, I know ... we've been really quiet on the tracks and tracks site lately. That's because we haven't had a chance to do much DJing or going to gigs lately. Bloody railways' fault mainly, plus a holiday or two.

I'm digitalising my photo collection going back 36 years! This is one of the better ones I've dug up - the original is faded, badly lit and lacks punch. A bit of cropping, fiddling about and generally being creative on Picasa has changed all that. This is a nice shot now, practically publishing quality. (It's 33 104 at Brookwood, 8.8.77 by the way).

see us at the club patio

"if you see us in the club we'll be acting real nice
if you see us on the floor you'll be watchin all night
we ain't here to hurt nobody
so give it to me give it to me give it to me
wanna see you work your body
so give it to me give it to me give it to me"

Timbaland JT Nelly Furtado (2007)

Seems everything Timbaland touches turns to gold. I can't get this track out of my head... it sat in there all night clubbing it. Damn you Timb!!
I'm sure I'll be playing it this weekend though. We're booked to play the grand opening of the Midsomer Norton S&D patio. Seems the weather will be hot and the company will be scorching and as for the food............
There's going to be quite the mix of ages. Now just because people are old doesn't mean they have to like uncool music but seeing Brassey's dad goes pale at the thought of a Snow Patrol Album we might have a problem.

in search of entertainment

Another Friday trip to the local Commie centre.... yeah for a pint of Guinness and check out the local competition. We were worried it would be Barrie's saga tunes again... as 'apparently' he gets booked once a month. But we were rather cheered to find a different DJ set up on the stage. This one didn't talk even once.... no vocals at all. His lighting set was OK but as for the blocks of colour that fronted the stage? Well, all they did was make him totally inaccessible.
But the main thing for me is of course the music.
It started off with an extremely bad warm up mix of songs I'd heard maybe once many years ago. Instantly forgettable and totally undanceable.
The room started to fill slowly. Some people came to the door and walked away. Obviously not drawn in by the insipid music mix.
We sat there and misery filled my head. I'd left my job yesterday. I wanted an hour out to forget stuff. Nothing he played inspired or lifted me at all.
Then as if it couldn't get worse he played FUCKING RONAN KEATING. I thought I was going to vomit. Suddenly the drink tasted like shit. The smoky room felt oppressive and everyone looked totally miserable.
I wanted to go.... we stayed... could it get worse?
Yep, the next track was Atomic Kitten.
We left.
Today I've been cleansing my ears with our mix of Enter Shakiri, Akon, JT, Coolio, the lovely Fedde and The Gossip... BTW the new track is excellent. Total Danceability.
Thank you world for Beth

"Now listen UP!
oooooo on the playground! x2
you learn so much now listen up!
now gather 'round now listen up!
now gather round now
1, 2 ,3 take it from me,
3, 4 so much trouble in store
4, 5 get it right,the first time
(o!)
count it with me now!
1, 2 ,3 take it from me,
3, 4 so much trouble in store
4, 5 get it right,the first time
(o!)
count it with me now!"

"Listen Up" (The Gossip 2007)

dance lesson no 1

For all of those who think you need a handbag to dance around, or who think James Blunt has something to say, or that it's legal to play Status Quo at a disco - get your gnashers around this! Joy Division 1979 Manchester, just look at Ian's dancing ... makes Margot Fonteyn look like she's got three left feet or a huge septic growth on her uterus.

thomas and friends as the young ones

Remember the Young Ones? Rik Mayall and crowd looking young and clueless. This used to be cult stuff. Thomas still is ...

enter shikari explained

Sorry, you're not a winner with cartoon interpretation.

we meld ...

It had to happen. The worlds of cutting-edge music and railway enthusiasm HAVE to merge ... even if we're not quite there yet. But this is a step on the way. What next - Enter Shikari over Ivo Peters' S&D volume one? We can but dream ...

enter shikari - the real vid for anything can happen ...

This has been elusive (and STILL doesn't come up on an 'Enter Shikari' search) but here's the official vid for Anything Can Happen in the Next Half Hour. Enjoy ...

got a feeling these are going to be big!!

This is the only clip on Youtube of Enter Shikari. You saw it here first. Album straight in at 5. They're going to be the band of the summer. Check 'em out ...

plan b interacts with the mitchell brothers

Here's B doing a cover of the Mitchell Brothers finest song, Harvey Nicks.

Bastards

Why would anyone want to hurt a sweet little train? What is the world coming to? First some so called animal lover wants to kill a sweet little lovable polar bear cub.
Then a gang of ruffians vandalise a harmless train...OK so it had Ron Weasley sat in it at some point but to smash 200 windows with hammers?
There must be some really bad undercurrent of Harry Potter rage out there somewhere.
Fuckers.

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay

MCR 2007


Gratuitous picture of baby Knut

DJ Munster

We had the pleasure of attending a special ball Saturday night on the fabulous SS Great Britain in Bristol Docks.
Everyone was dressed up, spirits were high and the champagne flowed rather nicely... we were enjoying it UNTIL we met the disco.
The DJ's set up was rather like our own. A CD mixer and bxes of cd's. His lights were OK, effective.
Immediately we entered the disco he left... buggered off for 20 minutes and left a vile CD on. I checked out his unimpressive music collection.
He returned, and started his set. Back to back Michael Jackson and some of the most uninspiring music ever. I asked for the Arctic Monkeys. He said he hadn't been able to get that CD... a bit obscure! WHAT!
The dance floor being packed was nothing to do with his skills, rather a crate load of champagne and drunk nurses who'd have danced to Val Doonigan.
What's the point mate? You don't like music,you have no knowledge, you can't mix. Give it up.

how's this for road-rail integration?

This is the famous Mollibahn in eastern Germany. The most interesting feature is the mile or so of street running in Bad Doberan with long steam hauled trains a feature twice every hour. If you get the chance go there!

somerset and dorset update

Overall view of the station.



The Chilcompton extension takes the line out into real countryside at last!



The signalbox is now almost complete - recreated from rubble in under two years.

It's been a while since the S&D's featured on these pages, so here are a few recent views showing progress at the site. Come and visit us any Sunday or Monday - shop and catering coach open on site. Our website has also made huge progress lately!

CSS video - death from above

Yes!! CSS, video, best song, enjoy ...

b and killa kela - together!

Yes, found this on youtube! Plan B and Killa Kela together! B did this on his own at Bristol in February. This is live in Norwich in Valentines Day 2007.

attwenger - live and kicking!

This youtube thing's brilliant! Here's an excellent live recording of Attwenger at their trad/hip-hop fusion best!

mumm-ra's home video

Here you go - Mumm-Ra's very own home video telling you all you need to know - and more - about Bexhill-on-Sea.

wow!

Friday night was disco night at Hartcliffe Community Centre.

It actually seemed quite promising when we got in. A nice restrained light show covering the floor and the first three songs were good - from the last year or so.

It seemed that Barrie's Saga Show was an aberration and that booking policies at the HCC had improved enormously.

So me and Trin took to the floor. I'm developing a hip-hop/Ian Curtis hybrid dance so I tried it out.

And then ... some tosser takes to the mike IN THE MIDDLE OF A SONG and on a moving dancefloor and starts waffling. The whole dancefloor STOPS and glares at the fucker. The music restarts and somehow the dancefloor is saved. But the wanker did it again in the next song, and the next ... you get the picture. A dead dancefloor, lots of angry punters and you just wonder what the tosser is thinking of.

We sat down through a lot of our favourite songs. Every song had this wanker jabbering in the middle, and at the end of each song, hiding his awful mixing. We left as he desperately put Status Quo's Rocking All Over the World On. It was VILE! Clueless tosser.

So why? Did he, like Barrie, have a lesion and think he was a radio DJ? Or does he have the one thing no DJ should have - an ego?

ealing films hand over the baton ....

I thought that for a change I'd actually watch a film before reviewing it.

Hot Fuzz is great - the Mumm-Ra of the fillum world.

A few tossers have tried to get an Ealing feel to their films, but are invariably cack-handed and miss the point. These fuckers have managed it effortlessly. How? By forgetting the past and instead blending the Vicar of Dibley with a typical foul-mouthed Mitchell Brothers ditty. This has it all - hoodies, middle-class twats, PC PCs, serial nutters, farmers with guns, even ginger kids. And loads of action - guns, mines, knives, shears - like a typical Wednesday morning in Hartcliffe.

Except it's all actually filmed in Wells, England's smallest capital city and once a station on the S&D. Somerfield, City News (above), they're all there. Wells will never seem the same again and I'll be terribly disappointed if when next time I visit I don't take at least a bullet or two from Simon Pegg's AK ...

The second key to success is actors. The Ealings had 'em, the Carry Ons did ... and nothing since. But this reads like a Who's Who of current UK comedy talent ... Jim Broadbent, Steve Coogan, Martin Freeman, that fucker who dances with cats in Harry Potter, Bill Bailey (x2), Timothy Dalton, millions of others I can't remember.

And it taps into the modern psyche, best joke for me was the 'One Schoolchild at a Time' sign in City News' window, breached at the end by dozens of hoodie-wearing pupils doing the police's work for them.

Having been a Parish Councillor in a grotty chocolate box village I can totally vouch for the veracity of the Neighbourhood Watch Association meetings. Spot on and a big FUCK OFF to those morons who reckon it ain't funny and it's too fast .. like D***** of N****.

NME 2007

What is it with award ceremonies. The potential to have a really exciting night is there. You have bands from all over the world, so many big personalities and yet the NME awards 2007 were pretty flat.

Last year Russell Brand hosted the show.It was funny, a bit controversial and I do believe he upset some people (esp; Bob Geldoff and the Arctic Monkeys) but when he told a joke it was at least funny and clever. This year had XFM's Lauren Laverne doing the honours. It was embarrassing just how awful she was. Her jokes weren't jokes, the running theme that she was running the bar in between announcing acts was childish. Her timing was awful and you could see her reading the auto-queue all the time. She was useless.

The acts playing were also rather disappointing . Kasabian to open the show were OK, nothing spectacular but they played well.

The Killers were one of the few gems of the night, ditching their own stuff to play a Joy Division track that was a blinder.

The View (yawn) Kaiser Chiefs (crap) Primal Scream (Hmmm) Beth and Jarvis... now that was pretty inspired.

Cannot understand how The View got best single... I'd never even heard the track. Very odd.

My Chemical Romance, best international band? Load of tosh. Best dressed Faris Rotter? Irony maybe?

I have no idea why Babyshambles were nominated for so many awards. Least they didn't win. Tossers.

The whole event lacked any fun. Lauren Laverne's attempts at pulling it all together were futile and frankly I was bored.

Next time NME let bands like The Automatic Play. Pennie could light up the national grid with energy.

barrie's saga saga

Off to Hartcliffe Community Centre to check out the 'opposition' last night. Unfortunately Barrie was there with his fucking Saga Roadshow again. Barrie seems to be under the illusion that he's a radio DJ, playing undanceable obscurities with slabs of inane chat between tracks.

Barrie mate, mobile DJing is about DANCING, about giving people a GOOD time. It's about finding those tracks that people want to hear. It's about leaving your audience wanting more, wanting to come again.

You claim to have been in the business for thirty years. But to the untrained ear you seem to be DJing for the first time, making the mistakes we all made back in the dark recesses of history.

Barrie mate, you just haven't got it. It's time to give up and find something you CAN do, and leave music to those of us that love it and live it. You're extinct, but you just don't know it yet. We're only trying to help you ...

gnidrolog prog y rubes merdum

Back in the 70s when I was trying to make music rather than play it our drummer's brother used to hang around a progressive group called Gnidrolog. I've just had one of those random moments when I remember bits from my fascinating past - this is far from fascinating.

So I checked 'em out on the Internet and got well scared.

These awful groups, playing unaccessible music with a degree of seriousness that should NEVER infect music, held the yout' in sway in the early 70s. As the music got worse their hair got longer and despair stalked the land. It was like pop's version of Thatcherism. These middle-class tossers piled on the pounds and the dandruff as their bank accounts bulged. The albums got bigger and worse and a sad nation weeped. And then along came the Sex Pistols and blew it all away in the wonderful summer of 1976. Yes, ELP, King Crimson, Pink Floyd, Genesis - they all died. Suddenly music opened up again, it was cool to like bands again, and we shook off the cobwebs.

I took my awful record collection to Littlehampton beach and threw the lot - every last one - into the sea, and started again. I discovered soul and jazz, then got into The Specials and Joy Division, they started dance music again via New Order and Manchester Rave, and then it was suddenly viable to be a DJ again.

Gnidrolog. Oh dear ...

automatic horrors view mumm-ra

NME Tour at the Carling Academy, Bristol, last night. Threatened with being returned home after a particularly gruelling post-viral coughing fit, I did make it to the show. The familiar sounds of Mumm-Ra assaulted us as soon as we got in and we realised quickly that we'd made the stupid mistake of missing part of the set. In fact we only heard three songs, luckily they finished on Out of the Question. Initial impressions were that the larger venue sapped some of Mumm-Ra's natural charisma, and that they were a bit more polished and distant than they were at the Louisiana back in November. Never mind ...

The Horrors were worse than bad. To his credit Faris kept his vocals well down in the mix - a neat reversal of the usual ego-infested turn it up to 11 attitude of most middle-class art school vocalist wimps. Problem was it made the sub-Specter wall of sound racket sound even worse, every song sounded the same and the band had about as much charisma as the Pope asleep. Expect them to all hold full time jobs in insurance or the media by 2008.

The View were okay, nothing special. The sound was a bit flat, and they show why drum, bass, rhythm and lead guitar alone are so limiting on sound texture and why many of the groups in the 80s got it right by ditching or enhancing the classic four piece elements. They won't endure, although I suspect they'll lead more interesting lives than the Horrors, being nice working class Scottish lads!

The Automatic were superb! Pennie goes into nutter mode INSTANTLY, no warm up required. The sound is crisp and clear, everything mixed just right. Pennie was over our side so we could watch his simian antics and Tokyo Olympics style gymnastics unhindered by heads. A class act all round!

To sum up the evening would have been excellent if only Mumm-Ra and the Automatic had been given the other two slots to fill, and if that bitch in the Mumm-Ra Out of the Question tee shirt had done the decent thing and given it to me in exchange for Trin's hand knitted puce hoody, rather than clutching it proprietorially throughout the show.

the search for appenzeller space schottl

To those of you that think Plan B or Mumm-Ra are hard-to-find or esoteric, try looking for something like Appenzeller Space Schottl! No myspace, no website and - until I dug further - nothing recorded. No Google images on their name ... until I used a few tricks.

They mix jazz and traditional Swiss Alpine music, rarely play outside of Appenzell (one of the smallest Swiss cantons) and have NEVER played the Louisiana. And I've never met anyone who's ever heard them or heard of them.

After an hour's hard Googling I've got this far - an image (and ordered a copy of the album which contains just one ASS track), visited a Russian website and found this on a Swiss website - which suggests there IS a full album out there which looks like the rest of my evening spoken for!

the new tom jones, innit?

So Plan B finally got over his cough and did a show at Bristol Uni on Saturday.

The venue was a bit Louisiana, a bit school hall - perfect. We had Professor Green as the support act, he was also helping to run the merchandise stall afterwards, and nicked our pen. We reckon he fancies Lady Sovereign 'cos he did a lovely rap about her.

After the Prof a bunch of hoodies came on stage. Then over the top came the unmistakeable voice of B, and we were off. It was an excellent show, even though he was losing his voice. We were a bit surprised by the teenyboppers in front of us who knew all the words and threw a burgundy trainer bra at him - which made him cross, like when his two friends died of heroin overdoses and stuff.

Then when he finished the show the crowd (mainly student toffs) started asking for an encore and Trin told everyone he wouldn't come back because he had a sore throat and she is a nurse so she should know.

Then he came back and did FOUR encores, run rave stuff and did his Tom Jones bit, innit ...

Catch B whilst he's still hungry 'cos he's going to be big.

better than Barrie?

Is DJing always enjoyable? Well I'd like to think so but things can go wrong and when your responsible for people having a great time and when you're being paid...well it can be a little stressful.
Last week we went to a new venue to see a DJ playing. Barrie's Saga Tunes. Barrie had a gold crushed velvet curtain over the front of his set and a sign made from glue and glitter, Barrie it yelled. Barrie it shone.
Barrie had a bow tie on. An enormous one. He said it kept the kiddies amused.
His equipment (not a double entendre BTW) was odd. Set up like the set of the Sooty Show. Lights on all three sides and a small hole he could pop his head in. He spoke in an American come Mike Reid accent after EVERY song. A little ditty about the songs.
He played a very odd mix of music. The Quo and The Jam and some Irish ditty and Gloria Estefan.
Rather fortunately we had to leave as I was getting up early the next day.
The following week we found ourselves in the same place as Barrie. I was a bit worried. If THAT was what they liked... then we didn't have a hope.....
We set up. Our gig is small and bright.I like to be seen and accessible.
Brassey set the CD on 2 tables. In the middle. We have always done that before.... never a problem.
The gig started. All was OK.... not a lot of people in (it was bloody cold outside)but we didn't mind.
Then the Cd's started jumping... not just a little but full blown unplayable. After about 6 of them jumping I began to get panicky. What the fuck?
Brassey said they were my Cd's and dirty, then his started to jump too.
We cleaned the discs. They still jumped. Then I looked under the CD player. The tables were so unlevel one of the feet of the player was rocking very slightly t enough to make stuff jump. Also the tables were really crap and uneven.
After a while we took a deep breath and told the dance floor to hang on a sec and moved the CD player.... it would have been OK but Brassey accidentally switched off the amp... so, panic and no music until I realised what had happened. The dance floor were unfazed though.
It was a bit better, we still had a couple of minor jumps. Then Brassey tripped over a lead whilst the dance floor was busy and pulled out the electric.... total silence.... replug... reset and miraculously the dance floor got back up.
I was soooooo relieved when it was over. We have NEVER played such a problematic gig.
I felt a bit down and miserable. Then someone approached me. She asked us when we were playing there again. She loved our music. Her mates had all loved it. She said we were million times better than good old Barrie.... she never danced when he played there.
She made my night.
So, is it all fun? well no. I guess even top DJ's have to learn to cope with things going not quite the way you'd planned them. But at the end of the day the people still enjoyed our music.
Made it all worth it.
(BTW we played every single one of those bloody jumpy cds the next day at home and not one of those fuckers jumped. A combination of bad tables and jumpy wooden stage.
Grrrr)